For The One

For years now, I have stumbled through a dance with purpose, desperate to find my place in the world–desperate to find a way to fulfill my calling and deliver what feels like intense labor and birthing of the messages God has placed inside of me. But even though this urge to place His beauty into the hands of the world is so strong it feels like I may die if I don't somehow release it, I have had a continual pulling back from all conventional methods of delivery.

Over the last few years, I have listened and created and delivered things into the world that I do believe were from Him, but each time there has been a catch in my spirit and although these methods are acceptable for others, they just did not sit right with me.  If I am being honest, it just did not make sense. After all, the things I was creating were  indeed "good" things. I just assumed the feelings holding me back were rooted in fear until He brought me to the realization that He speaks to me through my feelings and longs to use them to direct my path. 

So I continued to sit right inside the uncomfortable place where desire meets submission. While feeling like I was going to burst if I did not show God’s glory to the world in some creative form, I was completely taken into a quiet place on a little stage in front of One.  That’s it. Just Him. I had to be willing to get the words and pictures and feelings and sit right inside a most intimate place with the One who gave them to me in the first place.  I had to learn to be quicker in communion and less quick in giving this intimacy away. I had to learn to surrender–to yield to things that felt awkward and hard and that looked crazy to the world in order to crawl up into a place that is holy and set apart. To be that conduit from heaven to earth I had to learn my place and that place was not on a stage or a platform. For me right now it is not even my website or social media. He has taken me to a place that feels stripped down, simple, intentional and more authentic than ever before. He has brought me into Him to take my hand and lead me to the heart of others one on one. For now.

As I sat with the question of when and how to touch the world, ideas would come and they would quickly be set aside not feeling quite right. And each time I sat down to ask the Lord this question, the ideas which would come seemed a little less about me and a little more about Him. I knew deep inside that there was a way He could use me where I would offer Him the purest version of myself possible –a place that may look humble or quiet to the world but that would allow Him to get the glory He deserved. A place where the world would hear Him more clearly and see Him more purely. 

He gently pulled me into a place of submission and purification so that His words would  sound more like him and less like me. The level of purity in how I proceed must be protected in order to best deliver His thoughts and feelings.This call to purity is not about me.  I will never be pure enough to be worthy to carry the heart of God. This call to purity is about surrender. 

In surrender is where all shame falls away and striving ceases.

In surrender is where all other voices are silenced and the One who speaks can be heard through feelings and thoughts and internal leadings.

In surrender is where what matters to the world–all the demands placed on you, all the shoulds and should nots and judgements made against you, fall to the ground and are washed away by who He says you are.

In surrender, all fear is gone and the promise of Hope is unleashed upon you in your most vulnerable of positions.

In surrender, His words of beauty become more pure and sound more like him in the absence of the things of this world. 

As we surrender ourselves fully to the Lord, he will wash away the things of this world which taint His messages of love for His children. 

Over the last year God has met me in my dreams, taken my hand as he washed away all of the parts of me that were holding me back from deep intimacy and surrender, walked me through deliverance and shown me how to find true life. 

“For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Mathew 16:25)

What felt like a total loss of my life and everything I was- was actually a birthing of the woman God created me to be. And it is only through this surrender that I have found true life. 

I long to live reaching up into the heavenly realm and bringing God’s heart to earth in waves of beauty. I want to give you words for the deepest places in your heart which will bring healing and deliverance and usher in the tangible presence of Holy Spirit providing revelation, identity and hope. 

This is a together journey. Together we surrender to the One who has called us to the more we so desperately long for.